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The first time he physically hurt her was the first year they were married. Shocked by the act, she later suggested they go to their pastor for counseling.

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That pattern would continue for the next 19 years. We prayed together. The physical abuse and controlling behavior continued, and Janet struggled to find answers. Early in the marriage, a woman at their church called the police after her husband threw her down a flight of stairs. Janet heard the pastors talking about it, saying the wife should have called in the pastors, not the police. I carried that memory with me. Domestic violence — a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner — happens to 1 in 4 women.

At least 5 million acts of domestic violence occur annually to women 18 years and older. In Troup County, there will be an average of 1, domestic violence calls to law enforcement each year.

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While domestic violence victims are also men, the majority are women. A study by the Georgia Commission on Family Violence found that victims of domestic violence were more likely to turn to their place of worship for support than they were to turn to a domestic violence agency. Even if pastors or church leaders do want to help, they can unknowingly steer a couple in the wrong direction. I thought I needed to change. She learned not to talk about it.

She became adept at hiding the of the abuse. It hit me so hard that my watch fell off and it sliced open my wrist and hand. For weeks she hid the injury, wrapping a bandage around the wound and wearing long sleeves.

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The Power and Control Wheel is a tool used to identify domestic abuse. Created in by staff at the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, it documents the most common abusive behaviors and tactics experienced by battered women. While physical abuse is one tactic used, the abuse aims to control or dominate the partner.

For instance, intimidation is a common tactic abusers use, making her afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures that others may not see as threatening. Isolation is another tactic, keeping her from family and friends — and sometimes this can be seen in couples who often change churches, keeping her from getting close to any group of people.

Using the wheel can allow women to point to tactics and explain how the tactics were used against them. They can also see that they are LaGrange married women alone. There are other tools, and Bedingfield wants churches to take advantage of those. We want to work with the church to keep women and their children safe. We provide any resource that removes a barrier to a woman who wants to leave an abusive relationship.

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The abuse continued for Janet for almost two decades. When their dogs got in a fight, he took a shovel and beat the dogs in front of their children. When she yelled for him to stop, he threatened her with the same.

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Another afternoon, angry about something, he picked her up in a rage, threw her to the ground and sat on her. Her children watched. I grieved. I lost myself. But I still wanted to do the right thing. During that weekend, another church member picked up on what was going on between the couple. Janet began reading about abusive relationships. She found other resources, and she saw her relationship clearly across the Power and Control Wheel. I started trusting that God could break all the chains. Her husband refused any more counseling.

She kept praying. He realized the gravity of the situation. Harmony House staff helped her plan a safe way to leave, and one night when her husband headed to work, a few friends from church showed up with a trailer. They stayed there for several weeks. Harmony House staff helped her get a temporary protective order. The church provided enough money for her to rent a house, and Harmony House paid her car payment until she could sell it and buy something cheaper. Then her husband showed up at church one Sunday.

He made sure an usher saw the gun he had with him. Later, they told him he was not welcome at the church. To be notified of training opportunities with Harmony LaGrange married women, call the office at The Power and Control Wheel, www.

Cart 0. Domestic Violence and the Faith Community. She found violent pornography on his computer. Resources Harmony House hour hotline Strickland Dr. Diane Langberg, www.

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